There are a number of prayers that can be grouped together under the title of relinquishment prayers for that in essence is the idea underlying them all.

I’ll be sharing with you a number of personal experiences, because I have used this particular type of prayer more than any other kind. In fact, I’ve used it so much that it has become an almost automatic response when something comes up.

I was informed by my daughter, Kay, one day that, following a long weekend, her class at school would have to start meeting on a split-session for the rest of the year. Tuesday she’d be in the afternoon section. My heart sank.

I write in the morning after the girls go to school. Susan, my youngest daughter, had been on a split-session all year and she arrived home at one. Kay, on an afternoon schedule, would leave home about noon and not return until about six.

I called the school at once and asked for the principal only to discover that he was in a meeting and was leaving immediately after for the weekend. The office girl said she’d have him call me as soon as he could. There was no call by Tuesday morning, and I decided to drive to school and talk with him. On the way to school I began to pray about the situation. I’d been so sure that Kay should be in the morning session that I hadn’t even bothered to pray about the situation. But as I drove, I thought, “Father, do you have some reason why Kay’s been put in the afternoon session? Does she need to be with me more and is this the best way to arrange it? Maybe you did work it out so that she and I could spend more time together. Well, I just want to thank you that what’s best for Kay will work out. I don’t have to write. She’s far more important to me than any article or book,” and as I talked to God, a feeling of peace settled inside me. Somehow I knew that whatever did work out would be for the best, and I became happy thinking that Kay might be staying home mornings.

I had to wait in the office because another woman was in talking to the principal. I sat quietly, just thanking God that his will was being done. Then I was called into the inner office. The principal knew me because I’d helped with a number of bake sales at the school and he greeted me cordially. I told him that I wanted to talk with him about Kay and her being assigned to an afternoon session.

“I’m a widow and a writer. My only time to write is in the morning. I already have a daughter in the morning session, and I was wondering if Kay might be transferred to the morning session, too?”

“Well,” he said, “I don’t see any reason why we can’t put her in a morning class. Would you like a man teacher for her?”

This was more than I had expected. The girls weren’t around men very much. Most of my friends were women, either single, widowed, or those who were married and had time during the day to shop or lunch or go to prayer groups. I said, delightedly, “That would be just wonderful. The girls aren’t around men very much.”

“Well, now, would you like a little man or a big man?” he asked smiling.

“Tell me about them,” I said, thinking, “Father, you’re really too much! Here Kay will be in a morning session with a man teacher, and I even get to choose the size of the teacher.

You’re just full of surprises, and I do thank yоц.”

The principal told me about the men, and they both seemed fine to me, but I said, “Let’s try the big man’s class.”

“Good,” he said. “See that she gets to school this morning and have her take this to her teacher,” and he handed me a note which he’d filled in while talking. I shook his hand and thanked him and then sang all the way home.

I’d relinquished my desire to have the mornings in which to write, and I’d been ready to accept anything. He’d given much more than I’d have dreamed of asking. He’s that way.

The measure of goodness he gives is filled up, pressed down, running over. I’m often willing to settle for less than he wants to give. I’ve discovered that even the most wonderful things I can think of seem pale and lifeless beside what he wants for me.

About the time the Doctor Dolittle movie was popular, my daughter Susan had a birthday. For weeks before the party she kept pestering me about making a three-tiered birthday cake. It seemed every time I turned around there she was, asking me about the three-tiered cake. Finally, I looked into her eyes and said, “You know, Susan, I heard you the very first time that you asked for the special birthday cake. I’ve told you repeatedly that you’ll have it. Now if you say another word to me about it, I won’t make it for you at all.”

She didn’t mention the cake to me again, but from time to time I heard her tell Fran and Kay that she was going to have a three-tiered cake for her birthday.

The day of her birthday, I made a three-tiered cake, iced it with green frosting and put little plastic figures of Doctor Dolittle and the animals all over it. It was just delightful.

I blew up several dozen balloons and hung them in clusters above the dining room table and the archway leading into the dining room, and strung red, rose, and pink crepe paper streamers from each corner of the room to the center light-drop and over to the archway balloons. When Susan came in after school and saw the decorations her face shone with happiness. The cake and decorations were far more exciting than any she’d dreamed of.

What I did for Susan, God does for us. He takes our desires the first time we express them, and then he begins to work to bring about what we’ve desired. However, if we continually ask him again and again for what we’ve already asked, he’s not free to continue to work but must listen and listen to us, and we’re asking and asking when we should be joyously going about our business, glad that our desire is being fulfilled in the right way and at the right time.

It is often we ourselves who keep us from our own good because we want to see results right away, and we want the results to be what we think is best. I’m learning to be open always to something better than what I feel I want and to say, “If you have something better for me, I’ll take that!”. I believe that God wants us to ask for things, but I also believe that we need to keep open-ended toward whatever else God’s prepared for us.

Sometimes God does just the reverse of what we think we need. For instance, one time I went to the hospital to call on a woman in our church. Ted, my husband, was with her awhile, and I stayed with our daughters in the car. When he came out, I went in and talked with her. She was sitting up in bed gasping for breath. “Pray for,” she gasped, “my release.” I knew immediately that she was asking for me to pray that she’d die. I took her hand and said, “I can’t. But I will pray God’s will be done in you.” I did and then asked if she’d like me to say the Twenty-third Psalm. She wanted me to and even tried to say part of it with me. I leaned over and kissed her and left.

I was in the city two days later, and as I was going into a store, the woman was coming out. I almost fell over when I saw her. She said the doctor had discovered and corrected a pinched nerve in her neck, and she’d been released from the hospital that day.

Sometimes we think we’re praying right and discover that we’re not at all. A friend and I had been using a visualization prayer for her mother, who was in a nursing home being treated for pneumonia. We’d visualize strength and health pouring into her, see her get out of bed, dress, ride home, and settle into her little apartment. Then one day, with my eyes closed but my inner eyes open, I saw the mother. She came hesitantly toward me and I heard her say, “Won’t you please release me?” then she disappeared. I shared with my friend what I has seen, and we agreed that we’d no longer use the visualization prayer but that we’d simply put the mother in God’s hands, relinquish her, and ask that his will be done whatever it was. The friend called me the next morning to tell me that her eighty-year-old mother has passed very easily from life to Life during the night.

It’s often very difficult to come to the place where we can relinquish someone or something.

We feel we know what’s best. We’ve not yet learned that God is a loving father who desires only good for us, his children. If we do make the act of relinquishment, we often take back what we relinquish and become concerned about it again. In this prayer there must be no taking back what we relinquish. Each time a thought of the object comes into the mind, we must remind ourselves that we’ve relinquished that into God’s hands and he’s taking care of it, even if we have to do it a hundred times a day.

It’s good to add visualization to relinquishment. I like to picture Jesus standing in front of me, looking at me with compassion, waiting for me to respond to him. I take my problem, as though I have it in my hands, and I tell him everything I can think about it. I then see myself handing it over to him, simply turning it over to him to take care of in the best way at the best time. Then I remind myself when I think of it that I turned it over to him and he’s working on it.

A friend came to see me one day. She was intensely troubled. After sharing deeply with me, she and I turned the problem over to Jesus by visualizing her handing the problem over to him. Suddenly my visualization took on a life of its own, and I saw Jesus put the problem down, pick up an axe, and chop it into little pieces as though to say, “It won’t bother you anymore. I’ve taken care of it.” This proved to be true.

Visual aids can be helpful in relinquishment.

I’ve used the “prayer tree” and the “prayer eggs” for many years and find that somehow my subconscious knows I mean business when I use them. It’s easy to believe that the tree will bear fruit in its own season and that the eggs will hatch in the required number of days.

The PRAYER TREE comes from Glenn Clark in his book, I Will Lift up Mine Eyes. It’s made by taking a sheet of paper and drawing the base of the tree, the trunk and then three branches. Write “love” at the base, “the kingdom of God” on the trunk, and then “people” on one branch, “places” on a second, and “things” on the third. Make lines out from the branches and write the people you’d like to know and be associated with, either individual names or the types of persons you want to become friends with. For instance, when we lived in the country in a parsonage and I had contact with few people, I drew a prayer tree, and one of the desires I put on the people-branch was “people I can share my faith with and who’ll share theirs with me.” Within a week, I was phoned by the local home economics teacher who asked me if I would talk to the local Future Homemakers of America group on the topic, “Foundations Today Make Homes of Tomorrow.” I accepted with alacrity and was able to tell the girls of the importance of having a strong spiritual foundation to help them as homemakers. They liked what I said and recommended that I speak to the district FHA meeting. I did and received many invitations from FHA chapters throughout our area.

Churches and civic organizations heard from them that I was available as a speaker and my contacts widened. I addressed the state convention of the Future Homemakers in Illinois and spoke on the topic, “Guided Misses.” As a result of that talk, I received invitations throughout the state to speak. My people-branch certainly bore fruit and in a hurry.

On the places-branch put the various places that you’d really like to visit or live. There’ve been times when I’ve crossed off certain places that I wrote on the branch, because as time passed, the desire to go there simply vanished.

But one time I had written on the places-branch, “England, France, and India.” Circumstances worked out that I could spend six weeks abroad, and I was in England a week, France a week, and in India four weeks. Those six weeks were very rewarding because I was studying prayer and healing, and I feel that I learned a great deal.

On the things-branch, put both material and spiritual things. For instance, you need and want a new coat; surely you can put that on. But how about being clothed with patience? Don’t you really need that, too? Well, you can write that down on the things-branch. You need a new car to get around in? Put that down, and then see if you need to have your feet shod with the sandals of peace. Put peace down, too. I’ve discovered that usually everything we want in the material world has a counterpart in the spiritual world. Check to see what your material needs and wants are and then look to see what their spiritual counterparts are. Write down both.

After you’ve made the prayer tree put it in your Bible at the First Psalm where it says, “He is like a tree planted by streams of water, that yields its fruit in its season.” You’ve planted your tree now, and you can be sure that God will bring forth the right fruit at the right season. Whenever something you have put on your tree comes to mind, just think, “God is bringing forth fruit in its own season,” and leave it at that.

The PRAYER EGGS are similar to the prayer tree and again the idea comes from Glenn Clark. You take a sheet of paper and draw some ovals or eggs on it, and inside each oval write a desire. Cut the eggs out and put them in the Bible at Matthew 23:37 where it says, “How often would I have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her brood under her wings, and you would not,” and let them hatch.

As you think about the eggs you’ve set to hatch, you may want to take some out and throw them away or add a few others. Remind yourself when you think of any of your desires that they’ll hatch at the right time.

A very simple but very meaningful relinquishment prayer is what I call the SOAKING PRAYER. Tick Watson shared this type prayer with a group of us one night. It is one of the most delightful ways that I’ve found. You simply picture a pool of God’s love and blessing, and you bring people into it, watch them be come submerged, and leave them soaking. This is best done at night as you are ready to sleep.

All the people you bring into the pool soak all night long. I also like to immerse my whole house and everyone in it in the pool before I fall asleep. I feel safe and happy knowing that we’re soaking in God’s love and blessing all night.

The INCREASE-DECREASE PRAYER is another type of relinquishment prayer. I learned about it a long time ago. I was talking with a woman at a Camp Farthest Out and telling her that I didn’t know just what I would do after I finished college. She said, “Why don’t you try the increase-decrease prayer?”

“What’s the increase-decrease prayer?” I asked because I’d never heard of it.

“It works like this,” she said. “You have something you think you’d like to do, but you don’t know for sure if it’s God will for you to do it, so you simply say, ‘Father, if I’m to do this, increase the desire within me to do it and if I’m not to do it, decrease the desire within me,’ and that’s all there is to it. You’ll know — oh maybe not just that minute, but within a few days or weeks — whether the desire is increased or decreased, and you take that as your guidance.”

It certainly sounded simple enough and I tried it. It was simple but the results were astonishing. It really worked time after time as I used it. After college I went to British Columbia to help at a Canadian Guild of Health Camp and also at a Camp Farthest Out and then went on down into California to a CFO.

Subsequently, I was led to enter Brethren Volunteer Service where I met Ted Kimmel, married him four months after we met, honeymooned in Europe and the Middle East, and settled in Baghdad, Iraq.

There are variations on the increase-decrease prayer. You’ll find your own according to your situation just as I did.

We had a country pastorate during Ted’s last year of seminary. He was in school all week and came out to the parsonage and church on weekends. He’d become very interested in photography, and he was in a position, financially, to buy equipment. He had an excellent camera, and he outfitted a darkroom in the basement of the parsonage. When he was home on weekends, he spent his time making calls on church families and in taking and developing and printing pictures. He spent no time with the family except at meals, and often he was late for them. I became, to put it mildly, indignant that he was spending so much time with other people and photography, and I prayed that either he would get sick and tired of photography and sell everything he had or that I’d learn to like photography. I must admit that I was certain he’d grow sick and tired of photography, but, you know, as the days went by, gradually I became so interested in picture taking, developing, and printing that I’d take our three daughters and go down into the darkroom with Ted and help him. It became absolutely fascinating to adjust the enlarger, push the button, lift off the sheet of paper and put it in the developer, and watch the faces or trees or whatever begin to emerge.

My variation of the increase-decrease prayer had worked, but not as I’d anticipated it would. I never again felt even the least resentment toward Ted about his photography, and when we moved to New York City and he registered his work as Christian Photographers, I often helped him supply prints to magazines. It really became a source of deep satisfaction to work alongside him, and of course, the extra income wasn’t hard to take.

The increase-decrease prayer or variations of it have worked time after time in my life and in the lives of many people who have been to the prayer labs where I teach it. Its simplicity throws some people, particularly those whose lives are very complex. They can’t believe that so simple a prayer could work.

They’ve been pleasantly surprised when they’ve tried it and found it works.

When we lived in New York City, Ted was offered three different jobs in the Africa area. He had an interesting and challenging job as a youth editor with Friendship Press of the National Council of Churches, and I was in a doctoral program in Speech and Drama at Teachers College, Columbia University. We really didn’t want to go abroad, but when the third offer came, we looked at each other and thought. “Is God trying to tell us that he wants us in the Africa area?” So we prayed the increase-decrease prayer. Within three days, we knew, each independently of the other, that the desire had been increased. Then we prayed that the desire would be increased to accept the job God wanted us to have and that the desire for the other two would decrease. Again, within three days each of us knew we were to accept Church World Service offer to work on the island of Madagascar. Ted resigned from his position, I dropped some classes and finished my master’s degree, and we set out for Madagascar.

If you have a decision to make and don’t know just what to do, try the increase-decrease prayer. If you really want to know what to do and are willing to have your desire either increased or decreased, it’ll work for you. In the years I’ve used it and taught others to use it, I and others have only praise for the simple little prayer. I pray that you’ll find it as exciting as I have.