Since the past few months have been a personal incubator for anxiety, it is of interest to note what little soft, fury Ah HAs have pecked their way to freedom from their prior prison of habitual thoughts.

My preference is to DO.

I’m equipped for that battle with my skills, brains and helpmate. When she and I identify a challenge before us, we simply begin to adjust to the handling of that change. We re-integrate the new direction back in to some routine, predictable pattern.

On a smaller scale, when I identify a task to do at work or at home, I can then “get to work” doing it because “I already know how” or because “I have successfully done it before.” This can be a task that takes me seconds or a task that takes me hours.

The key attribute of my DOING is that I am focused on productivity – on “getting it done” — as efficiently and effectively as possible. When I am focused-attention on productive DOing, I am seldom also aware of BEing.

Guidance from Spirit is available in the awareness of BEing. The “still small voice” that asks “What’s next?” or “Where to from here?” is drowned out by the Din of Doing. The ability to follow God’s Will (The Tao) – to “work without doing” (wu wei)- is temporarily lost.

I seek a straight but artificial path from Here to There for my mindless Doing.

Yet I am constantly interrupted in that quest by the latest twist or turn in the path we have chosen to walk together. It is nerve-wracking, disturbing, irritating — not knowing what is next or when the next next will not be predictable.

The anxiety and pressure, I’ve discovered, is on me, “my ego,” to get things done, to look good and strong.

This is ever the way when my focus is on the small minded task of my Ego-Doing. It is safe, limited, do-able (however much effort or patience or perseverance might be required) and ultimately an illusion. As I become more engrossed or consumed in reaching the goal or finishing-the-project, I tend to hold my muscles and breath with unnatural strain. My breathing stops being deep or thythmic.

The real world-of-spirit is infinitely connected. There is no pressure on the me or I to get things done because it is not me or I doing anything. I am Being directed by God with all the time and resources of the WHOLE available.

As I learn to turn my attention more continually to Spirit’s Guidance, I become less anxious about the discontinuation of my habitual doing and less anxious about my productivity achievements. In the same spirit-paradox of the “last shall be first,” my “doing” becomes both effortless and magnificently adequate. It becomes Nature’s Work or wu wei in its effortless mastery.

When “my habitual doing is interrupted, “I’ take it personally.

I’m busy! Back-off, universe! Why is this happening to “ME?” What did “I do to deserve this? Taking any thing from any circumstance personally is a guaranteed prescription for additional self-inflicted suffering. Whatever happens — it is never about ME personally. So stow the drama and save the organ music for the soaps.

Taking things personally sets up resistance vs “yield and overcome” and Be One.

NOT taking things personally opens up the BEING and wu wei side of things. It allows WHOLENESS which is healing and peaceful.

Humility, which is touted by so many religions, can be seen as simply withdrawing from this bubble of ego importance attached through our various identities with our clever Doing. I’m a “financial planner” — ” father” — “President of _____” — “man”– “big-shot athlete” etc. The attachment or identifying with these “roles” leads me into being “personally” attacked when some aspect of my role (mistakenly think me) is questioned or criticized.

The real “me? can observe these roles instead of identifying them as the same as “me.”

When I become “as a child” in order to enter the kingdom of Heaven/God, I understand these “serious” roles in my life as so much “play acting.”

“If we have a purpose of our own, it destroys the simplicity and the calm, relaxed pace which should be characteristic of the children of God.” writes Oswald Chambers.

The Zen Life

Infinite Gratitude toward all things past.

Infinite Service toward all things present.

Infinite Responsibility toward all things future.

Emotions and feelings – crying and laughing. These are human responses. Aside from obvious physical trauma or pain leading to expressions, it seems that most of my responses have more genesis in my mental self-talk than in the actual events themselves.

How I attitudinally approach and event brings the stress to the event.

If I suppress my immediate feelings, then they accumulate like debris behind a dam until the emotional water-pressure and the weight of the debris leads to breaks in the obstruction. If, on the other hand, I am able to let the emotions and feelings be accepted immediately, then they can flow through in the moment before they have built up any real momentum.

The mental self-talk might arise mainly from the fear or sense of incompleteness — lack of wholeness — mental perceived reality of external enemies and conditions that could “really” harm me. When I am in One-ness in the Moment, the peace from the sense of wholeness greatly reduces those fears.

An equanimous attitude is more like nature. Despite the “violence” of many natural events, the “attitude” of nature is that of natural consequences.

There is no extra worry about the future or judgment of the past. The plants and animals just do their thing. They don’t agonize, judge over behaviors.

Few extremes. Life just is.

Intention appears to be one of the special gifts of humanity. Its subtle quality is different from desire for a goal or objective. It is very different from “animal desires” which can become addictive or compulsive in nature.

Intention seems like a quiet resolve — a pointing and focusing of the attention toward a certain state.

This state is always subject to change yet can become our intention until we realize it. In the sense that we are turning around from useless, scattered intention (wishful thinking or vague hope), there is an element of “forgiveness” or “redemption.” Intention seems to arise from our Being, not our Doing.

The less ego we have in the process, the deeper, wider, more effortless and more far-reaching is our intention.